Match Report

Goals scored
David Rix, Terry Bush, Tony Bush, OG.

Man of the match
John Wilson

Landsdowne played their 4th Home league game of the season today. They were hoping to continue their good form which has seen them ship only 4 goals in their last 3 home games (2 which were penalty’s must be said). Also they have managed to bag 11 goals. Add to these the fact that Landsdowne could equal their best run of 5 straight league wins, which has not been achieved since their only medal winning season which was back in 2000-2001. This was so long ago it was a distant memory for some of the players, but for those who do remember, those were the days when Bushy used normal gel rather than the new re-vitalised just for men gel.

Their opponents were Dunton Athletic who were currently sitting bottom of the league shipping a massive 36 goals, so with this in mind surely With the right work rate, commitment and attitude from the players, surely the result was inevitable or was it?

The day started badly with the Manager and his assistant missing, rumour has it that it was the Managers 39th Birthday and he got mullered and fell asleep on top of his assistant, leaving them both with no chance of making the game. So, without "the special one" and his assistant "the special special one", what would Landsdowne do? As it happened up-stepped "the special special special one", who stepped in and done a great job in their absence. What could go wrong now?

(Phone makes an entrance) Ring Ring, Ring Ring, “Hi Vegas” its Ben mate, got bad news can’t make the first half!!!

Now where is ya luck. Landsdowne are now going into their historic game with no Manager, no assistant and now no goal keeper. The omen’s were looking bad, very bad. What were they gonna do. No lurch, no dal, with this in mind Butler said "right Lads, anyone want to offer to go in goal?" Everyone looked at each other, most taking a second glance, it was like the comedy sketch with Peter Sellers in the lift, everyone shrunk from 5ft plus to about 3 inches tall, when up stepped Vegas to say "lads I'll do it". Then all of a sudden everybody started breathing again, when in doubt put the useless Fat Bast**d in goal.

Now with the team in place and Vegas wedging his huge arse in between the sticks, what could go wrong?

As it happens quite a lot. Landsdowne had forgotten that last season they took on a team top of the table when they were rock bottom and won. How? By work rate and application, also the opposition looked at the league table and thought it would be an easy game. Today Landsdowne were guilty of doing the same thing.

Landsdowne attacked time after time, however without passing there was a lot of glory hunting that went on. Players were looking for goals for themselves rather than the team. It was run, run, run. shoot, had landsdowne played the way they have been playing all season A breakthrough would have come sooner than later, Landsdowne were in a good position and they were doing all they could to ruin all their hard work this season in 90 min’s. Players were coasting and looked like they had their minds on Xmas rather than this game.

The attitude was, this is an easy game, we will win it easy. The bottom line was the opposition was not given enough respect and Landsdowne had become big time Charlie’s, only problem was there was no silverware on show and won't be unless attitude matches Landsdowne’s talented Squad.

With all due respect to the opposition the ball was kicked out long time after time, unfortunately Landsdowne got drawn in to this as well, leaving the midfield to cover 50-60 yards at times to try and win the ball. It was not a pretty game, however it was a game there for the taking, with short passes and switching of play Landsdowne would stretch the opposition and let the ball do the work. However, Landsdowne chose the hard route and hoped their Wimbledon style tactics would work, the plus side was that in the first half despite their failings Landsdowne eventually made a break through, this came in the shape of none other than Tony Bush.

Terry got into a fantastic position and crossed with precision, leaving Tony to nod the ball home. This should be no problem with his old head, however their was no glistening of the grey like plumage in his hair. This was met by a new head, a dark brown head shortly shaven, neat, just like the finish. The score was now 1-0. So far, so good.

With Lansdowne now in the lead this was a perfect chance to play some football. “Not”. However, Landsdowne did manage to get another goal just before half time, when some good footwork by the yard created the 2nd goal. He pulled back the ball to Terry with half the age and half the hair of the bigger one, however that did not stop him hitting the ball half as hard, with venom from outside the box. Terry struck the ball with precision as it ripped the net, the score now 2-0 with half time fast approaching.

Half time arrived and "the special special special one", did a good job of keeping things calm and invited the captain to speak after his half time talk. So, with a few more choice words from the captain and the arrival of Landsdowne’s keeper, what could go wrong?

Well the 2nd half started like the 1st with no possession, no composure and no football. However, Landsdowne stuck at the task when up-stepped a Dunton player to pull one back by beating the Landsdowne keeper at the near post. It was a rasper, he hit it at least 5 maybe 10mph, and with the agility of someone after rigomortous has set in Ben outstretched his hand and nearly got it. The score now 2-1, Landsdowne were left on tender hooks with 25 mins to go.

Landsdowne were now on the back foot. Dunton were pushing players forward left, right & centre in order to gain an equalizer. Strikers were loosing their battle, midfielders were chasing shadows and defenders were hoofing it up front for it all to start again, when was it gonna stop?

Enter "the special special special one", when it looked like nothing was gonna give, Butler made a sub and pulled 5 into the midfield, bringing it narrow, despite Landsdowne still playing Sh*t. It worked! With 3 in the middle Landsdowne were not so stretched and winning more of the ball, when after a super run by the inform right back Dean Weaving created space on the right. He pulled it back to Dave Rix, when from about 30 Yards he let fly with his trusty right foot, and before you could blink it was in the back of the net leaving the keeper no chance. Had the keeper got in the way he would have ended up in the net too.

With the score 3-1, and the opposition’s fitness fading faster than Graham’s chances of survival on the next tour, all looked good with 10 mins to go, when I can’t believe I’m writing this in as an assist, but Graham was running with the ball and shot only to see it saved, but the ball bounced out off 2 defenders and went in to leave Landsdowne with a 4-1 score line. The defender an embarrassing own goal and somehow Graham an assist!!!

The final Whistle went and despite their inept performance Landsdowne had managed to equal their best run in the club history. One more too beat it.

So with Xmas approaching Landsdowne left the field with something to look forward to, but if they are too beat their record, a better performance will be needed.

As for the Club it wishes all the players a Merry Xmas and a fantastic New year.

Man of the match

John was unavailable after the match due to the fact he had to have his love bite on his chin attended to by Basildon hospital. Apparently the confusion come about when she kissed the wrong kn*b.