Match Report

Goals scored
D.Sarling,T.Bush

Man of the match
C.Vieceli

Today saw Landsdowne Rangers play their first home game of the season. They wanted to desperately put the previous two games behind them after conceding 10 goals in 2 games.

The Managers words were ringing in players ears before the kick off. “Don’t switch off and concentrate. Do these and you will win”. So with the very special one’s words of wisdom, that lingered longer than the smell in Dave and Dan’s bathroom suite, Landsdowne took to the field of play with only one thing in mind.

Everyone got into position for what seemed an eternity as captain Mr Hart struggled with the coin in the centre circle, but after explanation by the ref Mark worked out how to do it. However, he did apologise and explained to the ref that he was not aware that their were coins in circulation as he does not handle any denomination lesser than a fifty pound note!!

So, 30 mins went by and eventually we lost the toss and kicked off against a team that were currently sitting joint top on 9 points with 3 wins to their name. If Lansdowne were going to get a result here today they were going to have to earn it.

Landsdowne signalled their intent from the off by attacking down both flanks at every opportunity. Every tackle made was crisp and precise, every ball contended with conviction, everybody fighting for everybody. This was a true workmanship team performance.

25 mins into the game saw a few chances go begging for Landsdowne and both keepers were called into action early on. A rasping shot from outside the area tested new keeper Lurch, which he was more than equal to.

He flung his 6ft 5inch frame with the agility of a cat to his left and saved and gathered the ball on the terrible zippy surface. The surface was more slippery than a jellied eel, however that was not to stop Lurch as he gathered it comfortably with a clean sheet the only thing on his mind.

However despite the game being delicately poised at 0-0 the first goal was crucial to either team. It was like a game of chess as the teams tried to figure out their opponents next move, and after another attack down the flank Landsdowne earned another corner, up stepped the impressive in form Spaghetti man to take what can only be described as a perfect corner. It had pace and purpose and that’s when it happened, Landsdowne scored from the most unlikeliest of sources. To say this player had a barren spell would be polite, his last goal in open play in a competitive match stemmed back 8 seasons to 14-Dec-97, nearly 9 years ago, even William hill were offering odds of 1million to 1 on him scoring. So to see Vegas score with a diving header at the back stick was more than a surprise, no one was more surprised than Vegas as he layed on the floor thrashing around like a beached whale (sorry to any whales that are reading this). Eventually he got up and ran around as if to say “someone please hug me, someone, anyone”!!

30 mins gone, Landsdowne were winning 1-0 and carried on taking the game to their opponents and after some more intricate play, Landsdowne had forced another corner. Up stepped the Spaghetti man to deliver another inch perfect cross to which Rav leapt as if there was no gravitational pull. He floated like a butterfly as he outwitted and out jumped his opponent, and within a flash he scored with a precise bullet header, nearly ripping the net, which takes his goal tally to 194 in 335 appearances.

With the score now 2-0 with 5 mins to go, was it check or checkmate ? It was too early to know, but eventually Landsdowne got to half time with a deserved 2-0 lead.

The very special one gathered his troops at the whistle and gave a commanding and accurate account of what was to unfold in the next 15 mins. He told us they were going to come at us and attack which was quite upsetting as we thought they were going to go down the pub. However, on a serious note, he was spot on with his judgement and Landsdowne defended sturdily, they kept their shape and thwarted attack after attack until they worked their way back into the game.

A good couple of balls were put through by both teams however the score remained 2-0 and neither team looked like scoring until Waymade broke down the left and a shoulder barge was made in the area. The player could have gone on but intelligently went down earning him and his team a life-line.

Up stepped the penalty taker who hit the ball low and hard which Lurch done well to get a hand to, however he could not prevent the ball nestling in the back of the goal. The score now 2-1 with 15 mins to go, would Lansdowne roll over like dogs or fight like lions ? Well, the answer was the latter; they fought like lions, and barring two poor decisions by the ref might would have scored another goal within 5 mins.

A ball was fed through to Forest, “run Rixy run”, to which he did and delivered an inch perfect ball for the Rav to put in the back of the net, and just as the ball was to cross the line, a defender handled it off the line. However, the ref did not see this, god only knows how not, and waved play on. Then with 10 mins to go Rav was taken out when he was bearing down on goal. A clear cut decision but again chose the easier option.

With the decisions going the way they were, the very special one pulled off a masterstroke and not for the first or last time I must add. He made his last tactical move, he switched to a 4-5-1 formation putting his last piece in to play, was it a pawn a rook or was it a queen ? Who knows, however Chaz was introduced and the final whistle went and Landsdowne fought out the last 5 mininutes and won 2-1.

Man of the match

Chris Viecelli alias Spaghetti man was not available for anymore comments as he had to rush and catch a flight with some mates.